i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
