Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
even my farts smell like vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
