Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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