Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
