Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
