she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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