Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
