He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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