if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
