His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
