Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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