i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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