The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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