coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
