so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
