I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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