i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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