He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize