I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
