why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
