I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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