Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
