I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
