Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
