i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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