now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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