clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please come you make the beer taste better
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
