i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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