Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
