he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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