sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
