My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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