Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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