He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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