I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
