She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina is officially offended.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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