After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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