Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
