u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
