id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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