I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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