P.S. I can't hear my feet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
