You just made me feel so damn special
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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