so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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