we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Still dying that you shit outside
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
