I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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