**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
