she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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