You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
