The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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