I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
