So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize