I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
