when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
