I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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