i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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