Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
