The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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