I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
