Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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