yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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