i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
