Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
