You're completely useless in the revolution.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
