new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
